Letters are here!

After three straight days of listening to our almost-hourly questioning on whether we had any packages waiting for us, our doorman is happy to inform you all that our box of dear birthmother letters actually arrived today. I actually got a text message and voicemail from two separate shifts of doormen while I was at work today, just to keep me from asking one more time. I’m pretty sure there was a high-pitched squeal of excitement for everyone in the lobby to hear when he handed me the box.

 

 

I was determined to get the letters to the post office today so they could be on their way to California, so I quickly separated out 100 letters, resealed the box and rushed down to the post office to mail it. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that the agency only wants 100 letters but you can only order 150+ from the printing company; because nothing says convenient like having to have the letters shipped here just so I can repackage them, pay some more shipping and send them to the agency myself. By the way, anyone ever use the shipping cost estimator on the USPS website? Well, it’s crap. You should probably just double the price and add an extra day or two to the shipping time. At this point though, I was just so happy to be finally sending the letters that I probably would have just paid whatever they asked.

 

So they’re off to California! Once they arrive in our agency’s main office in California (fingers crossed for Friday!) we’ll be actively waiting and our profile can be shown to potential birthmothers. We’re almost there!!

One Day Closer

Some days, this process seems so monotonous. We could go day after day without word from the agency on our birthmother letter approval, or be stuck waiting for things to get through the mail. Other days, we are incredibly frustrated. Days when we’re trying to write our entire life story in outline form or arguing grammar rules over email with the letter designer.

But there is another type of day; a day when everything just feels real. A day when I remember why we’re doing all this, and can appreciate the journey. It’s hard to remember sometimes during all the paperwork, emails and reading, that this is all in preparation for something so much more important. So often I feel like we just jump through one hoop to get to the next one, without remembering what the goal is and where all this hoop-jumping is going to get us. But days like this past Wednesday, we remember why we’re doing this.

I finally got the call Wednesday at work that we have final file approval. It’s much later than we expected, but after more than 6 months of struggling through the homestudy and Dear Birthmother letter, we are SO relieved to finally be finished. We ordered 200 copies of our Dear Birthmother letter that night that will be sent to our agency’s home office in California. As soon as they arrive there, we will be actively waiting. At this point, although we’re extremely excited to be officially approved, we’re not yet “waiting”. I think when that day comes, we’ll really be able to breathe a sigh of relief and welcome the next stage of this process.

But the file approval wasn’t really what made the day feel real. When I got home from work there was a package from one of my good friends, Sam. Sam and I were in the same class from kindergarten through 5^th grade, and went to school together all the way through high school graduation. We’ve lived 1000+ miles away since then but could catch up after a year like we’ve never been apart. She makes adorable knitted baby things and sent us this beautiful little hat and bootie set. If the card wasn’t enough to start me crying, picking up this tiny little bootie definitely did the trick. I’ve bought plenty of things for our baby over the last year and stashed them in the closet but, for some reason, when I held the little bootie I couldn’t help but think that this is for our baby. Not for some baby in the unforeseeable future, but for our baby who is now one step closer to being here. There will be a little O’Connor who will wear these. It wasn’t something that I bought on sale and later felt guilty adding to the stash in the closet for some baby that wasn’t even on the way yet. Someone close to us actually spent time creating something for our little one, because this is actually happening now.

 

And then I opened the necklace. It’s so simple, but honestly could not be more perfect. There are two small silver discs, the top small one has little baby footprints on it, and the larger one underneath says “one day closer”. That one short phrase is just so incredibly comforting. We have no idea when our little one will come home, and it’s hard sometimes to even celebrate the milestones when you can’t see any definitive endpoint. But no matter how far away we are from becoming a family of three, every day is one day closer. Every monotonous, frustrating, or emotional and “real” day is one day closer.

“Maternity” Photoshoot

A few months ago our friend Thuy, who worked with JP in Massachusetts and takes amazing engagement/wedding/baby photos, offered to take some photos for us for our profile. We needed to have a main photo for the front of our Dear Birthmother letter, but also wanted to take some “maternity” photos to document this stage in our lives. Traditional maternity photos are taken to show off the growing baby bump, but also to illustrate the extreme joy and pride of the expectant parents. There might not be a physical bump for us, but the feelings are very much the same.

We decided to go to Belvedere Castle in Central Park, which is where we took our engagement pictures (ourselves, with a cheap tripod, because we were 20 and poor college kids) in January 2008.

 

  

This is the photo Thuy took that we used for our main profile picture (although they did want us to crop it in closer to our faces):

 

These were a few other possible profile photos we took: 

 

 

And just some cute “expecting” photos:

The “growing in our hearts” phrase reminds me of this cute adoption poem I’ve seen a few places:

 

Not flesh of my flesh

Nor bone of my bone

But still, miraculously,

My own.

 

Don’t ever forget

For one single minute

You didn’t grow under my heart,

But in it.

 

…So perfect.

When we were taking the last few photos some people walked by and asked us if we were taking engagement photos (can’t believe it was almost 5 years ago we took engagement photos in that same spot!). When we explained what the photos were for they were so excited for us and offered to let us take some photos with their dogs. Sure, why not?!

 

 Thuy did such an amazing job with the photos and we are SO grateful. Even more so for getting a few natural smiles out of JP, even if she, and her friend who was helping with the photos, did have to resort to some loud, inappropriate jokes. We can’t wait for her to take newborn photos for us some day!!

http://thuyhpham.com/